Hossenfeffer

Mmmm, the sweet, succulent taste of chlorinated chicken.

Peanuts are probably one of your five-a-day or some such so, yeah, five deep-fried Snickers a day sounds like solid nutritional science.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but are deep-fried Bounty Bars on the healthy list or the unhealthy list? How are we supposed to know?

Did anyone see the interview with one of his victims on Good Morning Britain this morning? Christ on a bike. The guy said, in a matter-of-fact sort of way that Smyth used to cane him on the arse a couple of hundred lashes once a week or so and he had to wear nappies because of the blood.

Well, shit, that’s the platform dead to me then!

Drop us a hundred grand, Paul, and I’ll let you know if it’s reliable or not.

Bless the free market, making everything better!

Fuck vapers billowing out their enormous clouds of nauseating, fetid, fruit guffs. I don’t want to smell your straw-fucking-berry exhalation, you self-absorbed wankers.

I’ve got the pox, so that’s a pretty clear sign that the end times are upon us.

Shocking. I have a small studio flat (it’s not much but comfortable) in a surgical operating theatre but will they let me incinerate tyres in an old oil drum? No, they will not!

Fuck vapes and fuck vapers. I don’t want to breathe your cloud of toxic fake-fruit-smelling shit.

Is he sure?

Of course they’re not working people. They are leveraging capital to give them an income. That is not the same as chopping wood and carrying water.

Labour whistleblower reveals party members are determined not to allow the Tories to have a monopoly on being the nasty party. “Why should they have all the fun?” one is quoted as saying. Film at eleven.

That’s just not cricket!

I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised.

What, each?

Brilliant!

Her Majesty Kentucky, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India?

Rain! Mad for it, I am, our kid. Sorted, safe, I swear down.

Tory councillors are revolting?

Got it!